Living Stones Q&A - #1

A few months back Living Stones hosted a Question & Answers night and received over a hundred questions. Many of them were addressed during our gatherings and can be found on our podcast here. For the next few weeks I will be posting up answers to some of the remaining questions that were not answered. Answers for the questions have been provided by various Living Stones Elders.

Is the length of marital engagement dictated by the Bible?
The Bible does not dictate a specific length for marital engagement. The Bible does say though in 1 Corinthians 7: 9 that if one “cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Having said that, one should not enter into marriage for the sole sake of sex and should practice self-control. At Living Stones, for a pastor to marry you, we ask that the couple go through at least eight weeks of pre-marital counseling. Personally, I don’t think long engagements (over 1 year) are wise for the reason stated above. This isn’t a hard line in the sand, and there are a number of factors that go into choosing the length of an engagement, but if you’re going to get married, get married and don’t wait another year or two. If you’re not ready to get married, then don’t get engaged.

What is the church doing to help build up the men in the community as leaders in the church and their homes?
It is a constant prayer of the LS staff and pastors that men would man up and be godly men who lead in the church and home! Paul exhorts the Corinthian men saying, “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, ACT LIKE MEN, be strong” (1 Cor. 16:13 ESV). So often it’s women who shoulder up the man’s burden and responsibility to lead his family and church, because he simply chooses not to put in the effort, give of his time and resources, or has some other idol in place.

This is why approximately 2/3 of the volunteers at Stones are women.

The primary discipleship tool to build up men in the community is Community Groups. We have over 90 different community groups for men, women, and co-ed all over the Reno-Sparks area every day of the week at various times for people to join. For men that are already plugged into the strategy (worship gatherings, community group, mission) and are faithful, there are a number of more “organic” groups for men to join or be invited into such as the pastor’s school, academy groups, deacon process, etc. I could be completely off and most likely am, but part of me wonders if the guy who asked this question (assuming it was a guy), has even taken the initiative to faithfully plug into the opportunities currently in place.

What does your relationship with your wife look like based on Ephesians 5:22-25?
Marriage is given to us as a picture of Jesus’ relationship with us (Eph. 5) and heaven is often pictured as a wedding banquet (Rev. 19). Jesus refers to Himself as the Bridegroom (Matt 9:15) and the church is referred to as His bride (2 Cor. 11:2).

So the exhortation here is that a man is to lead and love his wife the way that Christ loves the Church. How did Jesus love the Church? He chose her, pursued her, served her, sanctified her, and laid down His life for her. As a man submits to the Lord, a wife submits to her husband’s leading in the same way the Church submits to Christ’s leading. Too often we hear the word submission and we get squeamish, especially in American culture, and no doubt, there has been abuse; however, if a man is truly following Christ’s example of what it looks like to love his bride, then it should be a joy for his wife submit to him as we in the church joyfully submit our lives to Christ.

How do you become a Christian?
There are not certain “steps” one takes to become a Christian in a religious sense i.e. say this specific prayer, or do this then that, etc. To become a Christian rather means to recognize and understand that our sin has separated us from God and apart from Christ there is no hope for reconciliation. It means that we have come to a place when we realize we are unable, no matter how hard we try, to meet God’s standard of perfection and are in need of a savior. This is repentance: that we turn from sin, and turn to Jesus in faith. It moves beyond a pure cognitive understanding of the Gospel and acceptance of it to placing full trust and faith in Jesus’ death on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins. Once we have placed our faith in Jesus and His work on the cross, we now live a life of faith and worship in response to His amazing grace (Gal. 2:20).

Can you be a Christian and not go to church?
I think that you could technically be a Christian and not go to church because we’re saved by God’s grace and not by our own works of righteousness (Titus 3:5); however, you would be walking in sin (Heb. 10:25) and are most likely deeply deceived by your own self-righteousness. What a place for Satan to get someone. If one refuses to repent and submit to Hebrews 10:25, then they’d truly need to personally assess whether they’re Christian or not. Paul gives the analogy of the church in First Corinthians as being a body, comprised of all different parts to make a whole. If a part of a body is cut off, and isn’t quickly “sown” back on, it will die.

What does it mean to have my identity in Christ or "gospel identity"? How does this look in my daily life?
To have our identity rooted in the Gospel means that we see ourselves the way God sees us through Christ (redeemed & forgiven Col. 1:13-14, righteous 2 Cor. 5:21, chosen Eph. 1:3-8, justified Rom. 5:1, child of God Rom. 8:15, free from condemnation Rom 8:1, sealed 2 Cor. 1:21-22, new creation 2 Cor. 5:17, temple of the Holy Spirit 1 Cor. 6:19.

It’s out of this identity that we have the freedom to follow after God. It is no longer I who live, but Christ in me both to will and to work for His good pleasure (Phil. 2:13). Having a Gospel Identity sets us free and gives us peace before God because we remember our right standing before God is not based on our works, but by Jesus work on the cross.